1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
high people should be assigned attendants
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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