dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
