I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
