I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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