THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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