Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
