I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
