well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
