She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
