took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
