Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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