Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
