Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
