i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
