he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
