This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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