I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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