I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We are two peas in an std pod
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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