I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it's like iHOP with fire
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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