i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
