Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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