You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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