so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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