please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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