I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
