How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
