so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
