i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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