Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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