I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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