I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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