i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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