8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
