so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize