if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
