Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I will pee on everything he values.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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