Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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