OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
