Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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