I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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