Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i came on her dog
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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