I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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