Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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