Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well I just put wine in my tea
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
