I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
