brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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