I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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