I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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