I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
