I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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