I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
