ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
