there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
