yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize