Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
