Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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