I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
