so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
