Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She announced her abortion via fbk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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